Auditions Part Three

The thought seems to be: “Everybody should serve the church, so the church needs to let me serve however I want.”

I’ll get back to that. First, let me tell you about St. Paul while he was setting up the early Christian church.

One day Frank came up to Paul.

“Hey, Pauly buddy, I want to serve the church,” said Frank.

“That’s great!” said Paul.

“Being in charge of distributing food to the widows and orphans looks like a lot of fun,”
said Frank. “So I’ve decided that I am going to be in charge of food distribution!”

“Uh, well there’s a problem or two with that,” said Paul. “First, we already have someone doing that job. And second, you’re really not gifted in administration.”

“My giftedness is none of your business!” snapped Frank. “And if you love Jesus, you will let me be in charge of running the food program!”

Paul pointed at Frank’s chest.

“Look’s like you got a spot on your tunic.”

“What spot?” asked Frank, looking down.

“Made you look,” Paul said, as he flicked Frank in the head.

And then Paul went and wrote a letter to the Corinthians.

In the letter, he talked about how everybody’s been given different gifts, and of course they should be used for the benefit of all. But he goes on to say that the church functions like a body, with each person playing a part that helps with the whole.

It doesn’t do the body any good for a foot to want to be a hand, or a pancreas to want to be a medulla oblongata. Even if being a medulla oblongata sounds like more fun than being a pancreas. So we should all play our part for the better of the body. (I Corinthians 12)

And that should settle that, thought Paul.

Until Billy Bob came up to him.

“I want to serve,” said Billy Bob. “So I decided that I will be our new cantor.”

“Gee,” said Paul. “I didn’t even know you could sing. Do you mind humming a few bars for our choir director?”

“You don’t love Jesus,” Billy Bob screamed, and he ran away crying.

So Paul went and wrote a letter to the Romans, restating that no one should get full of themselves – we’ve all been uniquely gifted so we can uniquely serve. Don’t forget to judge those gifts soberly – hold auditions, for goodness sake, so you don’t end up in the wrong department! (Romans 12)

And then he went and wrote a letter to the Ephesians, repeating this info – some of us were called to one thing, some to another, all for one body. (Ephesians 4)

And then for good measure, he sewed that message on tags for the tents he was making, right under, “Dry Clean Only.”

Paul, shaking off the early signs of carpal tunnel, thought to himself, “Now the issue is settled.”

“Hey, Paul, guess what!” Dagwood shouted, running up to the Saint and patting him on the back. “I’ve decided that I’m an apostle!”

“Really? Why, did Jesus knock you off your horse in a burst of light?”

Dagwood became indignant.

“My Jesus would never do that. He’s too nice.”

Paul sighed and pointed to Dagwood’s shirt.

“I think you got a spot on your tunic,” he said.

Just my thoughts,

Sean