Some of my family members (I’m talking about you, Lance) have an annual competition surrounding March Madness.
March Madness, as I learned after losing horribly in the past, has nothing to do with Alice in Wonderland. (I put as the final four the March Hare, Mad Hatter, Knave of Hearts – as my wild card – and, of course, Tweedle Dee, as Tweedle Dum never stood a chance.)
This year though, I am ready to use my Hollywood experience to accurately predict the games. The poor fools I’m related to won’t know what hit them, as they waste their time utilizing knowledge of things like basketball and colleges.
Me, I’ve got killer skillz in the insight arena.
For example, I pick George Mason to go into the third week.
Why? Because Perry Mason couldn’t lose; I figure his brother George has to have some of that gumption.
UNC makes it just as long because UNC is short for UNCLE, as in THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. And they’ve got all kinds of spy gadgets and guns, which I’m pretty sure will over power any musket that Washington might be packing.
Duke makes it to the final four because I’m not telling John Wayne he can’t make it to the Final Four.
Xavier makes it to the Elite Eight because of all his mind control powers. And having a wheel chair on the court will give him an element of surprise.
Kentucky makes it to the Final Four because, well, have you seen JUSTIFIED?
BYU makes it to the Sweet Sixteen just because I thought it was nice of them to bring their own.
Kansas gets knocked out in the Elite Eight because we all are itching to say, “Well, Toto, it’s not going to be Kansas anymore.”
It has been suggested that I rely more on “stats.”
Well, the word “stat” was used on ER a lot, and ER ran for an impressive fifteen seasons, and UCLA has a better television major than many of the others in the SE division, so UCLA makes it to the Final Four.
With that kind of thinking, I just know Notre Dame will go all the way this year and win the Stanley Cup!
See? With my insider knowledge, I can’t lose!
Just my thoughts,