Wednesday, May 07, 2008

All the Leaves Are Brown

I was listening to a podcast that friend Cory put me onto (, when one of the speakers mentioned that a guy in a band happened to be a Christian.

His partner hurriedly interrupted with, “We should warn our listeners that he’s more of a California Christian.”

Being a Christian who lives in California, I was curious as to what that meant.

And being lazy, I didn’t want to do any research or actually make an effort to contact the guy who threw up the shielding remark to protect the innocent.

Instead I sat and thought of how California may be different from where the real Christians live, and applied those differences to faith.

Here is how California Christians differ from the rest of y’all (at least us SoCal Xians):

-We deal with a level of spiritual warfare that y’all don’t have to face. We call that ethereal battle the “405 freeway.”

-Which leads to: we are more apt to be seen praying on the road, window down, often the prayer shouted at another driver (reflective of our evangelical nature) as we have one finger lifted to the heavens in praise.

-We have historically been more apt to follow the precepts of Genesis in being good stewards of the planet, and will show our support for the green by proudly driving our Hummers to “Save the Planet” rallies (even if said Rally is two blocks from our house…)

-Side note: The Beach Boys wish they all could be California Christians.

-We proudly have brought the divine into every day life and conversation by making ubiquitous the phrases “oh my g-d” and “like, for sure” (a direct translation of the term, “amen”). Case in point, I refer you to the recent “Gossip Girls” posters showing two worshippers in ecstatic prayer, calling out the text equivalent, “OMG.”

-We see our bodies as a temple, and thus will only eat organic salads, organic botox and organic mind altering drugs. And we keep our bodies in shape, even if we have to suction fat or insert implants to do so.

-We take seriously the admonition to put “no idols before thee” – and thus have scheduled Idol for 9 pm on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, a full three hours after (not before) “The 700 Club.”

-We believe that the Bible is inerrant and perfect as is, and we wouldn’t change a thing. We do, however, have a few small notes, maybe a couple of suggestions, an idea or two to help with the marketing -- and reserve the option to bring in our own writer if needed.

That’s my short list – maybe you have a few of your own to add.

As for me, the next time I hear a snarky reference to Californians, I will smugly smile in the knowledge that our Governator faced the devil himself and saved us all from the End of Days.

Can you say the same about your governor?

Just my thoughts,



Catherine said...

Saw a billboard at the mall:

"Your body is a temple.
Attract worshippers."

For a local gym.


Michelle said...

Thanks for the laugh.