Money and Goofy Religion Part 6

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3  Part 4  Part 5

General fiscal rule #2:  Never let money come between you and G-d.

This really is just a corollary of rule #1.

For the rich young ruler (Luke 18:18-25), it’s pretty easy to see where the dinero comes between the deity and the... okay, I was going for that alliteration thing and ran out of steam.

Jesus said, “Give it up,” and he couldn’t.

Could I?  If you are reading counting spiritual points, the answer is, “Yes, absolutely, without hesitation.”

If you are reading expecting a little bit of honesty, then I really don’t know if I would.

Give up it all?  

10%, heck yeah.  (Or is that “heaven yeah?”)

More, sure, sure, no problem.

Half?  Well, maybe, I’m not so sure...

More than half?  “Look, Lord, I got me some expenses and...”

The big question is, do I trust G-d more than I trust money?

Okay, I’m rather uncomfortable with where this conversation is going.  And since it is my conversation, let me talk about someone else.

(Deeply paraphrased from Danny Thomas’ biography.)

When Danny Thomas was struggling to get his career as an entertainer off the ground, he was walking back home after striking out on yet another attempt to get a gig.  It had been weeks without work, and things were looking dire - he had a wife and kid at home, another kid about ready to pop out, and seven bucks in his pocket -- all the money that they had to survive on.

As Danny was plotting how to come up with the cash to allow his wife to have the baby at a hospital (asking her to hold the baby in until things turned around didn’t seem practical), he passed a church.  

He felt a prompting to go inside.  Why not? He didn’t have a reason to rush home.

So Danny went in and joined the mass already in progress.

Then the offering plate came around.  Danny felt prompted to put money in.

He argued with this prompting - after all, he didn’t have much to begin with. But the prompting was insistent.

So Danny pulled out his seven bucks, and started to peel one away, wondering what his neighbors might think if he reached into the plate to make change.  That’s when the prompting got ugly.

“Put it all in,” was what he heard.

To which Danny argued, silently but vigorously, “You’ve got to be kidding me!”  

He was quick to point out to that still small voice that he, Danny, would be the one having to face his wife.  How do you explain this one?

No food for us.  No hospital visit to deliver the baby.  No rent.  No way!

But the Spirit persisted, and Danny dropped all seven precious dollars into the plate.

After the mass, Danny took his time getting home.  He added up the hospital bill from the last happy bundle the stork brought -- it was about $70.  (Yep, $70 to deliver a child.  Times have indeed changed.)

By the time he got home, he had let got of it.  G-d told him to give up the money; it was no longer Danny’s burden to carry.  

G-d would have to take care of it, and Danny was okay with that.

I think you know where this story is going - you should for one of two reasons:  you are familiar with the wacky ways of the Lord, or you know that this story wouldn’t bear repeating if it ended with Danny getting a divorce and slowly starving to death on skid row.

Danny got home to a wife wondering where in tarnation he’s been; his agent had been calling frantically with a last minute stand up booking.  

That weekend Danny went to work, and made people laugh.

He also made seventy-seven dollars.

Exactly what he needed plus his initial deposit back.

Not a bad investment.

General rule #3 next time.

Just my thoughts,

Sean

Heads I Win!

This day in history: 


Richie Valens, really really wanting to get out of Iowa as fast as possible, wins a coin toss and gets a seat on the charter plane heading to Minnesota. 


Giving us all pause to contemplate how we define, "win."


jmt,

Sean

Darth Child

Thanks to Jeff for the head's up on this.  I only hope the kid grows up to use his powers for good...

I Wanna Be an Engineer

For the family and friends that are indeed engineers -- this is what the rest of us pine for.

Money and Goofy Religion Part 5

 Part 1   Part 2   Part 3  Part 4

Want to experience true financial freedom?  

Forget chasing after the get rich quick schemes, and instead focus on these four general principles from that dude from Nazareth:

1) Don’t let money rule you.  

Jesus says you’ll go schizo trying to serve money and G-d (Matthew 6:19-24).  

Anytime you find that money is your primary motive in a decision (or the amount of money, or the prospect of money), you may want to re-evaluate.

Try this:  next time a pushy salesman says that line that always hooks ‘em, “How would you like to save money?” answer with:

“Eh. That’s not a top priority in my life.”  

The look on his face as he sputters and attempts to regain his powers of speech will be worth every penny you didn’t save by switching insurance carriers.  

You can do this on an organizational level as well.  

I was once told of a church where the pastor instructed the youth group to stop pushing for free pizzas from the local pizzeria.  The pastor’s argument was that the church could afford to pay for the pizzas, and it was more important to support the local community than to stockpile some cash.

Here’s where a bunch of y’all have already misunderstood me -- thinking that I am negating the notion of being good stewards.  Nope.  

I believe it is important to handle our money wisely - just not at the cost of messing up our priorities.  

Just like in that blog that started this whole ramble -- Tim Smith suggesting that if a song writer getting a fee prevents a church from worshipping, maybe the writer should consider forgoing the fee.  (He said “maybe” - he’s just saying to think about it. Priorities.)

The obverse is true as well -- if a church has the resources, it may want to support its local artists and shell out the money to pay a writer, or a singer, or a painter.  

One church I attended had a full time position available for an artist.  A composer filled the position while I was there.  She was obligated to give half her time in service to the church, and the other half to create however she felt led.

It was the church’s way of making a statement about its priorities.

Now one might say, “Hey, wait a minute Sean.  Couldn’t that money have been spent on more Christiany things - like funding missions, or helping out the soup kitchen, or somesuch?”

Sure.  Absolutely.  Can’t argue with you there.

But I would advise you to be careful.  That argument is only used once in the Gospels, and it didn’t go down well for the argument maker.

General principle number 2 - next time.

Just my thoughts,

Sean

I'm Taking It!

Today's Dove advice suggests "Take a moment for yourself."

Okay, then -- fair warning to you all:  I'm taking 2:31 am, Saturday, April 16th.

It's mine, and none of you can share in it.

As I am a nice person, I took mine in the wee hours on a weekend - most of you won't even notice that it is gone. 

I advise that you treat it like daylight savings, and before you go to bed on Friday, set your clocks ahead one moment.  That way you won't be off all weekend.

Just my thoughts,

Sean

Money and Goofy Religion Part 4

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3

Before I get to the spirit of the law plus money, I want to address why we would need any kind of rules on money to begin with.

The goofy Gospel folk say that if you pray hard enough, or visualize enough, or get in on the secret enough, or please our alien forefathers enough, you’ll get so much money raining down on you that you will be gloriously and eternally happy.

Because the key to all things good is wealth, right?

To answer this, let’s go to the holy text, “The Fiddler on the Roof,” chapter one, starting with the verse, “If I Were a Rich Man.”

The number begins with Tevye kvetching to G-d about his status as a poor person, framing the question,

"Dear God, you made many, many poor people. I realize, of course, that it's no shame to be poor. But it's no great honor either! So, what would have been so terrible if I had a small fortune?"

And then he sings about what he would do if he had money.

First, he would stop working.  Instead he would, and I quote, “biddy biddy bum.”

Then he would pimp his crib to excess (can one pimp a crib to excess?), including a staircase that goes nowhere just for show.

And he would make sure the whole town knows how rich he is, pumping up the ego as much as possible.

So, if he were rich, he would race to sloth, greed and pride.  He gets to gluttony a little bit later.  So, four out of seven of the sins that destroy a man.

Can I just point out the brilliance of Bock, Harnick and Stein: Tevye asks G-d a question, then immediately answers it himself.

Dont’ get me wrong, I’m with Tevye on this one - would it be so awful to give me a little bit of weath?  I’d be happy to take on that burden.

But I also have to admit that if honesty came into play, I would not be immune to Tevye’s temptations -- especially as his reason for wanting the wealth comes from one of the three remaining deadly sins.

Can the rush to fulfill the itch of envy (or pride, greed, lust, wrath, sloth or gluttony) result in true health, wealth or wisdom?

Maybe not so much.

Yet the goofy Gospelians tell us to rush headlong into such stuff.  

What would the non-goofy Gospel tell us instead?

Next time.

Just my thoughts,

Sean

Always Follow Your Liver - It's Rarely Wrong

Today’s Dove wisdom: 

“Always follow your heart – it’s never wrong.”

Gotta wonder who they were thinking of when they came up with that gem.

Romeo (either the Rosalind chaser or the Juliet chaser)?

Sampson getting a haircut from Delilah, or David scoping out Bathsheba in the tub?

Clyde thinking, “Hey, I know how I can impress that Bonnie girl”?

Cleopatra tossing in with Antony?

Robert Scott adding his friend to the expedition, even though he knew they didn’t calculate for his food? 

Or Napoleon saying, "Screw history and my tactical training, I want me a piece of Moscow!"

Okay, so here’s what I think happened at the ol’ Dove factory. 

Someone came up with this quote, and some other dude said, “Wow, that’s nowhere near accurate,” and the guy who types them up said, “Yeah, but it feels right, and it says right there that I gotta go with what feels right.”

And then it got wrapped around my piece of chocolate.

So, who do you think they were thinking of when they came up with this quote?

Just my thoughts,

Sean

If You Treat People Right...

A worthwhile story of a man who treated his mugger to dinner, from NPR.

Harry's on Facebook

Janet has a link to the facebook profiles of Harry, Hermione and Ron - as well as a few other online presences from Hogwarts. 

Worth a diverting trip just for Cormac McLaggen's posts on Hermione's wall...

Money and Goofy Religion Part 3

For Part One, go here.        For Part Two, go here.

Tim could have just said, “Be as generous as possible.”  That would have covered it.  But instead he felt the need to codify generosity – and don’t we all?  

(“What?! The Lord wants me to give to the church?! Well, exactly how much does he expect?”)

Our natural instinct is to want to narrowly define all general principles.  

Jesus said, “Hey, if you love God and love your neighbor, you don’t need any more rules!”  

And we said, “That’s great.  Hey, Jesus, got a quick question for ya.  Hypothetically, can I love my neighbor and still punch him in the gut every now and then?”

And Jesus said, “Seriously.  Don’t punch your neighbor in the gut, even just every now and then.”

“Oh, okay,” we replied.  “Can I still poke him in the eye?”

“No, you can’t poke him in the eye.  That’s not very loving, is it?”

“Okay, but how about this -- what if we say ‘Nyuck nyuck’ as we poke him in the eye?”

“No eye poking!  ‘Nyuck nyuck’ does not make eye poking okay!”

“Oh, I get it,” we say.  “So loving our neighbor means don’t punch him in the gut or poke him in the eye.”

“Yes!” says the Lord.

And then one of us whispers to the rest, “Good thing he didn’t say anything about stomping on his feet.”

I’m not saying that we always look to define the rules so we can get around them (although that is an inevitable result).  There are a host of reasons that we feel the need to turn a simple rule into a 3,000 page incomprehensible House bill.
 
For one, we need clarity. (What does that rule really mean?)
 
And we want to know where we stand.  (Am I going to pass the course?)

We want to make sure we aren’t doing it wrong.  (Like this, or like this?)

We don’t trust our own ability for self evaluation.  (I think I’m loving my neighbor even as I’m poking him in the eyes.  Nyuck nyuck.)

We don’t trust our neighbor to evaluate himself.  (He keeps poking me in the eye. And laughing. That isn’t very funny.)

So we clarify, and we quantify, and we specify.  And then we legalify.

We focus on the specific rules, we pay heed to the letter of the law, and we feel like good little boys and girls because we went a whole week without punching or poking.

And along the way we forgot to love our neighbor.

Same is true with money.  More on that next time.

Just my thoughts,

Sean

Money and Goofy Religion Part 2

For Part One, go here.

But even the guys that aren’t in love with money get goofy – like this guy.  

So goofy, that his main point is one that he doesn’t believe to be true.  (Or at least I don’t think he does…)

For those that don’t like to read links: Tim Smith’s church doesn’t pay writers for the material they use in church services; and he wants stuff his church develops to be free for others to use in their churches.

But then again, if his pastor writes a book, he wants his pastor to get paid for it.

So they’ve got a system – if it is used in worship, they don’t get paid; if it ends up in a book or cd, they do get paid.

Cool by me; pretty nifty, in fact.  There's a lot of really good stuff in that blog entry.

Where Tim gets goofy is when he tries to reverse engineer a theology to codify this method.

To do this, he puts creative endeavors into two categories.  First, things created for G-d’s glory:  “When we write songs for gathered worship, our primary purpose should be to glorify God and build his church.”  Those things should be free.

The rest of the stuff, like making music cd’s or writing books, by default should be stuff we primarily intend NOT to bring glory to G-d, and that stuff we should charge for.

I should point out that Tim gets paid to work at his church, and therefore acknowledges that nothing he does all day long builds Christ’s church.  And his pastor does write books, but since those books intentionally do not glorify the Lord, it’s cool that he gets paid to write them.

Of course I’m having a bit of fun at Tim’s expense: I don’t know for sure, but it seems from all I do know of him and his church, they wouldn’t dream of advising that 1 Peter 4:11 or 1 Corinthians 10:31 be ignored – especially when making a studio recording of praise songs or writing about, say, the New Testament.**

And there are a number of artists out there that don’t fit into Tim’s paradigm.  

Like my friend Chuck, who writes material for the church (and performs it for churches); he does this full time.  If he didn’t get paid for it, he would not be able to feed his wife and children.  So he often charges for the services he provides.

I think Tim would be fine with that; Tim might even encourage Chuck with a quote from Timothy or Nehemiah.

On the other hand, my friend Cory also writes for the church.  He doesn’t charge a tuppence; but then again he also has a full time job elsewhere.  I think Tim would also be fine with Cory, and might use words like “tentmaker” or cite from Thessalonians to encourage Cory.

Here’s the thing: both write to bring Glory to God, and both deliver material meant to build up the church.

So, this whole split in “make some things for G-d’s glory, and other things not so much” is not what Tim means, it’s just what he says.  So why get discombobulated and say such a thing?

Money and the need for legalism.  More on that later...

Just my thoughts,

Sean
 
**Let me reiterate that I don’t know this – maybe Tim does believe that anything that doesn’t happen on Sunday between 9 am and 11 am should be intentionally anti-glorious. I’m just assuming not.

Amnesia

Need a piece of beauty in your day?

Check out Richard Beck's poem: Amnesia.

Money and Goofy Religion

Money makes people goofy – especially when money butts up against religion.

Which should come as no surprise, as love of the stuff is the root of all kinds of evil.  

I remember listening to a radio interview with a prosperity gospel preacher, as he was making the argument that Jesus was independently wealthy.

After all, the Lord wandered around without a job for three years.  Explain that if the good shepherd wasn't loaded?

You see, in this guy’s world, Jesus would have responsibly invested the gold, frankincense and myrhh that he got for his zeroeth birthday (you agree that Jesus would be responsible, right?). 

And he used that wealth to fund his travels with the disciples (you agree that Jesus wouldn’t want to be a burden, right?). 


The water into wine and the fishes and loaves – not miracles so much as Jesus buying food and drink for friends. He had enough cash to throw down a party for a multitude!
 
Oh, and the whole perfume on his feet thing – another sign that Jesus wants us to be wealthy.  He was telling Judas to stop bugging him about appreciating those extravagances in life to which Jesus had grown accustomed.  

(Just like the speaker’s car and jewelry – you wouldn’t do a Judas on him about those things, would you?)

Sheesh.  The lengths one goes to in justifying a love for money.

But even the guys that aren’t in love with money get goofy – but I'll get into that next time.

Just my thoughts,

Sean
 

That Might Hurt

Today's Dove advice:

"Always put people before things."

I hope they don't mean things like moving vehicles.

Or falling rocks.

Or the cart.  Because that one is for horses.

Today I put Jason before the script shelf.  Then I couldn't get to the script I wanted.

Not sure I like today's wisdom morsel. 

Just my thoughts,

Sean

A Little Clarity With My Chocolate, Please

I base all my life decisions on Dove chocolate fortunes.  And why not?  If dark chocolate can give bad advice, I just don't want to try anymore.

But today's post-meal treat says this:

"Keep your promises to yourself and to others."

Now at first glance, it seems to say, "Hey, stop telling me your promises.  Keep them to yourself."

But then the "and to others" throws that off -- how can I keep something to myself that I also share with others?

So I thought maybe it was just saying, "Keep your promises.  For your sake, as well as for others."

But then there would be a comma after the word "promises." 

There is no comma.

Now I don't know what to do -- should I tell people my promises, or keep them to myself?  My life is spinning out of control, and I don't know where to turn for help.

So just to be safe, I'm going to keep my promises to myself.  And I will only share them with the followers of Jacob on the far side of the island.

Just my thoughts,

Sean

Beautiful Conspiracy

Over at Letters of Note, you can see Kurt Vonnegut's witty and insightful response to a theater company's request for support.

Favorite bit is his wrap up:  "Guard yourself at all times. A lot of people believe that beauty is some kind of conspiracy -- along with friendly laughter and peace."

Head on over and check it out.

Just my thoughts,

Sean

Patty Cake

What you would hear if you understood their language...

No Inflammatory Rhetoric

Someone who thinks words have consequences.  Check out Janet's blog.

When the Hood Meets the Roof

Topol steppin' up and throwin' down.

Enjoy.

Are you tired of being stuck in the same old time and space?

Get one for your own use! 
(Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey Things not included.)

Year In Review: 2010

We recently uncovered a listing of television shows scheduled to arrive in 2010 – and thought it would be fun to look back and see which shows were hits and misses. 

Thanks to Entertainment Yearly and Gaffney Guide for these descriptions. 

Programming Scheduled in 2010:

THE GUESTROOM  Drama; Friday nights.  An anthology series with a rotating cast of guest stars as they find love, adventure, magic, and cat fur while visiting Sean, Cath, and River.  Famous guest stars include:  Isaac, Beth, Niffer, David & Ann, Irene, Faith & Sarah, Bethanie, Lauren & Scott, Wayne & Jean, Wayne & Pat, Luke and Felicia. 

THE BOWL  Culture; Sundays on PBS.  Exciting adventures as Sean and Cath introduce their parents to the wonders of the Hollywood Bowl.  Spring special focuses on Wayne and Jean attending the Bel Air Pres Easter Service at the bowl, followed shortly with an earthquake.  The Summer special finds Wayne and Pat watching the antics of Bugs Bunny and company as the symphony plays along.

MUSICAL MYSTERY  Suspense; Thursdays.  Detectives Sean and Catherine are on the trail of the missing musical, tracking the slippery song and dance shows throughout the country.  They nearly catch “Guys and Dolls” at a living room read event at Janet and Lee’s (all attendees sit in a circle and pop up to read/sing their parts); they corner “In the Heights” at Pantages; race against “A Walk in the Woods” with Dean and Beth in a Noho theater; then sprint up the coast to catch “Man of La Mancha” red handed at Taproot in Seattle. 

THE AMAZING, WELL WE’LL GET THERE WHEN WE GET THERE, RACE  Reality, Mondays.   Sean and Catherine race (well, mosey) to various locations around the country for prizes (or vacation and business).  They visit Cayucos over a long weekend, and buy seasalt cookies.  Air Force jets buzz by Sean as he watches Isaac’s graduation in CO.  Cath drags Sean for a business trip in Red Rock outside Vegas for a dance conference (special guests Shon, Jodi and Chantal).  Sean faces freezing weather to venture out alone to Nashville to work on a book pitch (no news on the book pitch until 2011). Reality series already renewed for April 2011 trip to Australia and Tasmania.

ENTERTAINMENT THIS AFTERNOON  News, daily.  In depth coverage of the entertainment going-ons of Sean and Cath.  Show includes links to Cath’s breakout series BETTY AND DD (www.bettyanddd.com), her performance in THE KILLERS, and to Sean’s occasional badd videos (www.belairdrama.com).  Coverage also on Cath’s new headshots (www.catherinegaffney.net … yes, that is grey hair!), and audition travails, including exclusive coverage of Catherine signing with a new manager and being sent out to network auditions.

THE VEGAS THANKSGIVING  Comedy; Holiday Special.  After following the directions from a discount GPS machine that Sean buys, a group of friends are forced to spend Thanksgiving in Las Vegas instead of their intended destination of Vermont.  The gang endures comical trials, including viewing a Bill Cosby show, attending a Cirque d’ Soleil event, shopping at the Forum, eating at the Bellagio buffett and shouting AMEN at the gospel brunch at the House of Blues, until finally Mark wins enough poker money to buy them all bus tickets home.  Cast includes:  Joel, Mark, Nicole, Shon, Jodi, Ray, Karen, Bob, Anne, Beth, Sean and Catherine.  (NOTE:  This special received such high ratings that the network is already planning a sequel.)

A VERY REOHR NEW YEAR  Comedy; Wednesdays.  The whacky antics of Trey, Abby, Katie, Paige, Dick and Mary as they ring in the New Year with special guest stars Uncle Cath and Uncle Funny.  Plot to be determined. 

Thumbs up for a great year.  Stay tuned on Facebook, Twitter (cathgaff), Skype (seancath), email, text, phone, or sky writing for a brand new season of wacky Gaffney programming in 3D (no glasses required). 

A Little Christmas Colbert

On why we should take the "Christ" out of "Christmas."

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Jesus Is a Liberal Democrat
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog</a> March to Keep Fear Alive

Dance, Dance... Otherwise We Are Lost

Jeff pointed this out...


PINA - Dance, dance, otherwise we are lost from neueroadmovies on Vimeo.

God Rest Ye Merry

A thought provoking take on an old classic.

Rolling in the Deep

What does love's pain look like?  I think maybe it looks like this.

I Hope This Was a Camel Light...

So, is the lesson that you shouldn't bring a camel to your Christmas service, or that you should keep the communion wine away from the camel's water trough?

3 Year Old Symphony Conductor

He's not bad for a kid, although that whole losing your baton and falling to the floor giggling - total Dudamel ripoff.